Every great sermon should include a good story from the Andy Griffith Show. The cast of characters was the greatest of all-time. Since it was the 1960’s, we presume it was a model for the ideal American family life.
But think about it- nobody was married!
Andy was a single dad raising Opie with the help of Aunt Bea who we presume was an ‘old maid’.
Barney was single of course, although Thelma Lou would have probably loved a ring on her finger.
Gomer and Goober were hopelessly single. The only person who was known to be married was Otis Campbell and he was the town drunk!!!
And it gets worse. The real-life Gomer Pyle married a man in 2013 so our fantasies that Mayberry was anything other than Hollywood get blown up by the facts. And even Andy himself was having an off-screen affair with the fictional Helen Crump. It killed me when I heard that one.
My favorite character was another very-single mountaineer named Ernest T. Bass. I even named my rescue dog Ernest T (ET for short). Many of Ernest T’s troubles involved his quest for true romance.
Ernest T was sure that fellow mountain man Roscoe Darling’s blonde daughter Charlene should be his wife, even though she was already married to Dub Wash. But Ernest T saw a technicality that made marriage with Charlene still possible. The marriage to Dub was performed by the Justice of the Peace only. Ernest T’s theory was that since they had not been married by a real bona fide Preacher, his Charlene was still fair game. He wanted to woo her. Andy’s brilliant solution was to re-do the marriage ceremony in the woods with a real Preacher.
When Ernest T heard the news, he plotted to steal the bride. Andy knew it was coming and schemed to stop Ernest T’s bridal theft by dressing up Barney Fife in a bridal gown, complete with a veil to hide his face. Sure enough, crazy ol’ Ernest T swept down from the hills with a gun in hand and stole the bride, not knowing that under the veil was Deputy Fife, not his beloved Charlene.
Perhaps you remember the funniest line in comedy history. When Ernest T asked the veiled bride, “Will you be mine?”, Barney threw back the veil and said, “I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!!”
Ernest T’s obsession with finding a marital bliss included another episode where he tried to join the Army. We find him at the U.S. Army Recruitment center, where Ernest T flunks every test given for the military. In despair, he spends the balance of the thirty-minute show throwing rocks through windows in anger about his Army rejection. Andy and Barney finally arrest the rock-throwing mountaineer, and Andy gives him one of the greatest common-sense talks of all-time.
He explains to Ernest T how he would hate the military life. He would not be free to hunt and fish and roam the mountains. Being rejected was a good thing, according to the gospel of Andy Griffith.
From behind the jail bars, Ernest T shows puzzlement on his face, and then says, “Well Andy. I didn’t want to join the Army. I just wanted me a uniform.” He went on to talk about a friend named Chelsey who joined the army. When he came home on furlough, all the girls wanted a date with the uniformed Chelsey. “Chelsey, kiss my lips. Chelsey, hold my hand.”
Ernest T repeated his plea, “The only thing standing betwixt me and sweet romance is a uniform!! “ The episode ended with Ernest T walking down the street with Deputy Fife’s uniform, which seemed to fit just right.
The meaning of the uniform? Preach your own sermon, but for me, 2 Timothy 2:5-6 fits: “Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. And as Christ’s soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in civilian affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted you in his army.”
The church seems to be full of people who want the Christian uniform- that would include all the outward appearances of sacred living- such as multiple church attendance each week, following whatever rules that church has established—- but honestly, how many soldiers are there now who are fighting the good fight. Paul ends with 2 Timothy 4:7- saying that he has “fought the good fight.”
How about you? If you are reading this, I bet you have a UNIFORM… but are you really a SOLDIER?
