Most of my stories are about people I actually know. But like all of us, some stories from media are just too good to ignore. Such was the case with a recent Netflix documentary about actor/comedian Jim Carrey.
He became an amateur theologian. Or at least a philosopher. Or perhaps just a thinking human who thinks about the ‘why’ questions of life. Let me explain.
In 1998, Carrey was chosen to play odd-ball comedian Andy Kauffman in a bio movie, Man on the Moon. He decided that he would NOT just be an actor for the role. He decided to literally become Andy Kaufmann, 24/7, on and off screen. Andy was a bizarre person who kept people uncomfortable all the time, so Carrey decided to do the same. His real family and friends wondered sincerely whether he had lost his mind. He became difficult to work and live with- putting a strain on all his relationships for many months.
Carrey had also hired a documentary crew to film the process of making the movie. He had over 100 hours of footage which he kept in a vault for over twenty years. Last year, it was edited into a Netflix documentary, Jim and Andy: The Great Beyond.
Jim Carrey became Andy Kaufmann, night and day, 24/7. During the four months of filming, Carrey never broke character- not even for a moment. And it nearly broke him. And… it led to some philosophic meandering that I found fascinating.
He sat for an interview at the conclusion of the documentary. Carrey became a theologian/philosopher. It was so interesting to watch him ‘think out loud’ about life, a sincere man who admits that he has no answers for the hard questions of eternity. Go watch it, but for now, hear some of what he said.
Carrey started with a confession that going into the Kaufmann character 24/7 helped him see that he was not happy.
“Somewhere in the middle of absolute confusion, absolute disappointment, uh, uh, absolutely the fruition of all of my dreams, uh, standing there with everything anybody else had ever dreamed of having, and being unhappy.”
He was talking about the weeks which followed the movie. For many months he was able to be somebody else (Andy K). Now, going back to being himself was painful. Carrey stared away from the camera, trying to understand how you could not be happy when your dreams had come true. This led him into a discussion about Free Will and who we are….
“Uh, the choices make you. I’m not a big believer in free will either. You know, I pick up the tea because I’m thirsty. Is that free will, you know? Or am I thirsty? What told me to pick up the tea?”
He paused to take a sip of his hot tea.
“I didn’t know who I was anymore when the movie was over. I didn’t know what my politics were. I couldn’t remember what I was about. Suddenly I was so unhappy, and I realized that I was back in my problems. I was back in my heartbreak. I suddenly thought to myself, ‘You felt so good when you were being Andy’, because you were free from yourself. You were on vacation from Jim Carrey.”
He realized that he was more comfortable as an actor than a real person. This made me remember my days as a lawyer and a judge, spending 100% of my energy solving other people’s problems. I was totally comfortable fulfilling a role of lawyer or judge. But when I was just being Tim Philpot, I was truthfully not all that happy. I think we all need a vacation from ourselves at times.
Doing something (like being an actor or lawyer or whatever your work may be) seems easier than being someone.
Carrey then began to meander through philosophic questions.
“You stepped through the door not knowing what’s on the other side, and what’s on the other side is everything. You know, everything. There’s a feeling of relief from this vehicle that’s traveling through space, trying to like grasp onto stuff, like f…… countries, and religions, and… I find it all so abstract.
Why am I an American? Why am I a Canadian? What is that? What does that mean? Somebody put a line and said,’ this is that’. You know, uh, we’re so much more.
Then we, like, are born into a family, so we’re told what our family name is and then your parents choose a name, and they say, ‘your name will be Joel’. It means the awesomeness of Yahweh’, you know. And you have to live up to that, dude, and we’re counting on you not to make us look bad. And you’re gonna go to Harvard and you’re gonna be a doctor. And by the way, you’re a Catholic or you’re a Jew, or you’re whatever you are. It’s like everything are these abstract structures that you’ve been given, and it’s supposed to hold you together somehow, you know. And I’ve just given em up. I don’t need to be held together. I’m fine just floating through space like Andy. You know, just flying 6,000 miles an hour around the sun. You know, balancing on tectonic plates that are floating on lava. You know, ready for the end times to occur, and whatever the hell is gonna happen. I’m just great. That’s all great.”
The amateur philosopher finished his wandering conversation, expressing the questions of his soul, with his sad final words about him and his teacup. The ancient King Solomon wrote about the meaninglessness of life in Ecclesiastes and would probably give an ‘amen’ to Carrey’s words.
“You’re on a spiritual journey. Period. And we’re all gonna end up in the same place, if there is such a thing. And maybe there isn’t. Maybe there’s just this (pointing to his teacup) and that’s it. There’s us and the teacup. We’re the universe, man. I like that. That’s fine. Yeah. So, uh, I don’t know what else to say about all this. I think I’m tapped out.”
Carrey then paused. He seemed to have depressed himself with the words that came from his heart and out of his mouth. The interview was over. But alas, he had one final passing thought- and perhaps his most profound one. He was done with playing Andy Kaufmann but what if…he said, “What would happen if I just decided to be Jesus?”
Carrey knew he had really gone over the edge with that one. It was like a “Hail Mary” pass at the end of a football game. And that was the end of the interview. But it certainly got my attention.
I’ve been told my whole life that I needed to be like Jesus. Frankly, the pressure to pull that off has been intense at times. I have failed. Almost Completely. Jesus has saved me. Jesus has changed me. Jesus has rescued me. Jesus finally became the great Love of my life, but can I really be Jesus? I have worn a bracelet that says WWJD, trying to remind myself, ‘What Would Jesus Do?”
But can I just decide to be Jesus?
I think the answer is NO. I cannot walk on water. I have no stories of healing or raising the dead that would make the final cut into a modern Bible. I do not think I could endure the pain of the cross. I cannot live out the Sermon on the Mount. I cannot seem to fight off temptation for forty minutes, let alone forty days as Jesus did. In short, my performance is far from perfect.
But… I can follow Him. I can trust Him. And I can be the Tim Philpot that he wants me to be me, created as a unique human with a purpose. Jesus says He will help me get there. And I believe Him.
So now, I wish I could locate Jim Carrey and find out if he found happiness. He will not find it in imitating Jesus. He would find it in trusting and following Jesus.
